Insignificant background noises
by whotookmycheese
Summary: So long now she had thought how hard it was for her, how much she had lost, and this was the moment she realized that it wasn't easy for him either.


A/N: So this is my first fanfic. I've been writing it over and over again, even after I put it here (and found it rather difficult). Sorry for my propably bad grammar, english isn't my first language. If you like it, please review, and even if you don't. I only want to become a better writer.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

**Insignificant background noises**

Rose stopped on the kitchen door when she saw the Doctor was sitting at the table. He was sitting back at her, leaning his elbows on the table, holding a cuppa between his hands. The dishwasher was on, which Rose find a bit odd and relaxing at the same time. For a second Rose thought of leaving. It was so hard to be in the same room with him when he reminded her of everything she had lost, reminded her that she hadn't really lost it. She was turning away when she heard a silent sigh that was almost a sob, and it confused her because she had never heard the Doctor really cry. It had been close once or twise, but never had he cried in her precense. And nor was he now as he didn't know she was there. Rose felt something heavy and cold in her lungs**. **So long now she had thought how hard it was for her, how much she had lost, and this was the moment she realized that it wasn't easy for him either. It could be even harded for him, as he had lost more, he had lost everything; his planet, his home, his family and friends, his Tardis. The only one he really knew in this whole damn universe was her, and she hadn't given him one nice word.

- What are you doing here?

She didn't really mean it sound like that but the words came out angrily anyway. He winced and looked up almost sheepishly.

- Oh, hello. Sorry. I was... I was just leaving. Sorry.

She wasn't sure what he was apoligizing for; being awake at 3 am, being in the kitchen, meeting her or just existing. And she regret she had started with those words. He stood and walked by, eyes on his bare feet. What had happened to this man who used to be so lighthearted, so full of life, so full of selfconfidence, that he had lost all his trust to himself? He was half way the corridor when Rose made up her mind.

- Doctor?

He stopped and turned but didn't really meet her eyes. He hadn't look into her eyes since that horrible day in that grey and cold beach where she had shouted in his face that he was just a cheap copy left to her care like an aggressive pet. She had regreted those words, she really had, but hadn't been able to tell that she was sorry.

- You can stay if you want, she said and almost managed to smile. He hesitated, like he wasn't quite sure if she really meant it, but when she stepped aside to make him way, he came back.

They sat in the opposite sides of the table, neither of them spoke. Rose was used to be silent, she hadn't spoke much in weeks, but she knew how much the Doctor hated the silence and thought that eventually he would say something. And he did.

- You know, this is my favorite room in the house.

- Really? Why?

- Because it's never really quiet in the kitchen. The fridge is humming, the pipes make noises. And in the kitchen it's easiest to make insignificant background noises. Like put the kettle or the dishwasher on.

He paused, looked somewhere over Rose's left shoulder.

- I'm... I'm really not used to silence.

Rose knew what he meant, and she felt relieved he brought that up. After all, this man was the only one she could tell almost anything and be sure to be unterstood. And just maybe he felt the same about her.

- Yeah, I know, she said. - I used to put some music on but it didn't really help. It wasn't what I was looking for but I didn't know what was. Now you just gave it a name. Insignificant background noises.

A smile flashed on his face. One of those quirky little smiles he used to give her ever so often, even when the situation didn't really allow it.

- Close your eyes and use a little bit of imagination and you can... almost think...

His voice started to crack and he cut off before it broke completely. But he didn't need to end the sentence, Rose knew what he meant. She looked at him close his eyes and followed his example. They listented the stable drone of the fridge, the flush and buzz of the dishwasher and the rattle of the pipes for several minutes until the dishwasher pumped the water out and made its final gurgle. The silence that followed felt unbearable. Rose opened her eyes to see the Doctor move his away, like he'd been watching her.

- You must really miss it though, she said to break the heavy silence. - Your old life, the Tardis, all that... running.

Again that smile. Oh, how thankful she was he still smiled!

- Well, you can run here as well. Well, not the same kind of running, not the run-for-your-life kind of running, but running anyway. People here say running is their hobby. I could have a hobby like that, running. Yeah?

She smiled because he sounded just like the Doctor and she cried because he did, because this was just the answer he would give when he really didn't want to talk about it. And the smile on his face faded away.

- Yeah, I miss it.

And even though she didn't hear it she knew he sighed deeply and heavily.

- I miss it too, she said.

- I know. I'm sorry.

Rose shook her head.

- It's not your fault.

- It isn't? That's new.

- That's not fair.

He looked up and this time his eyes met hers and he was just about to say how sorry he was, and Rose felt she didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to hear him apoligize once again.

- You know, I used to be so angry, Rose said before he could. - At everyone, really. I was angry at dad because he seemed to think everything was just like we planned, angry at mum because she didn't see what the problem was, angry at the universe to make this all happen, angry at him because he left me here, angry at you because you aren't him and yet you are. But most of all I've been angry with myself for... well, everything. Because I haven't done one thing right for weeks.

The Doctor had looked at her this whole time and there was compassion in his sad sad eyes.

- And I'm sorry, Rose said, partly because she owed it to him, but mostly because she finally felt she could say it.

- It's okay, he said. - I'm alright.

He propably didn't know it but those were just the words to hurt her the most.

- I'm going back to bed now, she said after a while.

- Okay, he said and his eyes met Rose's and there still was something warm in them, something that made Rose hope she really had been forgiven. - Good night, Rose Tyler.

Rose smiled and blinked hard as the way he rolled her name with his tounge was so familiar.

- Doctor?

- Yeah?

- D'you recon, could we be friends? she asked. - We could... dunno, run together?

A smile, a genuine warm smile! And it stayed in his face, and the room felt a bit warmer and lighter.

- Yeah. I'd like that.

She smiled and left. She was half way up the stairs when she heard the dishwasher start again.


End file.
